So... in a smaller way, you've made the same mistake with her as you have in some respect made in the larger scope of your choices: your priority of her safety took precedence over her decision. She had said that she regarded your friendship, a partnership of equal partners in maintaining the relationship, to still stand. Thus, she was telling you that she accepts that potential risk of your mistakes which might hurt her while also expecting you, as a friend and someone interested in maintaining the relationship with effort, to work on improving.
By insisting she take the lead, you are changing the relationship without her consent or desire, and instead of proposing a situation where you both work in tandem, as she desires you to do, an equal partnership where you build something together, you simply reversed your positions to where she would make decisions and you would just follow along. This is an unbalanced situation, one that is usually found between superior and subordinate, as opposed to a friendship.
[ A turn of his hand. ]
For example: if two people were working on building a house together, an equal partnership includes the two of them considering the needs of the house together, planning out the logistics together, dividing the work between them together according to each one's needs and wants and working through any disagreements together, before finding the materials and beginning to work.
Originally, you both had considered the needs together, but at some point you went off on your own to go through the rest of those steps without allowing her to take part, because you didn't realize the value that she placed on sharing the work and determinations throughout with you. What you are proposing would have have her doing all of that planning without you, and merely telling you what to do as she decides it when it comes to implementation.
...which doesn't remedy the situation. Because she has two primary goals: accomplishing the work, yes, but the second goal, which she holds just as important, is to do this with you. She enjoys the process and she wishes to enjoy it with you.
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Date: 2025-04-02 08:00 pm (UTC)I see.
So... in a smaller way, you've made the same mistake with her as you have in some respect made in the larger scope of your choices: your priority of her safety took precedence over her decision. She had said that she regarded your friendship, a partnership of equal partners in maintaining the relationship, to still stand. Thus, she was telling you that she accepts that potential risk of your mistakes which might hurt her while also expecting you, as a friend and someone interested in maintaining the relationship with effort, to work on improving.
By insisting she take the lead, you are changing the relationship without her consent or desire, and instead of proposing a situation where you both work in tandem, as she desires you to do, an equal partnership where you build something together, you simply reversed your positions to where she would make decisions and you would just follow along. This is an unbalanced situation, one that is usually found between superior and subordinate, as opposed to a friendship.
[ A turn of his hand. ]
For example: if two people were working on building a house together, an equal partnership includes the two of them considering the needs of the house together, planning out the logistics together, dividing the work between them together according to each one's needs and wants and working through any disagreements together, before finding the materials and beginning to work.
Originally, you both had considered the needs together, but at some point you went off on your own to go through the rest of those steps without allowing her to take part, because you didn't realize the value that she placed on sharing the work and determinations throughout with you. What you are proposing would have have her doing all of that planning without you, and merely telling you what to do as she decides it when it comes to implementation.
...which doesn't remedy the situation. Because she has two primary goals: accomplishing the work, yes, but the second goal, which she holds just as important, is to do this with you. She enjoys the process and she wishes to enjoy it with you.