Inbox

[artistinexile]

You have reached the inbox of the former Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Imperial Star Destroyer Chimaera and the Seventh Fleet, also formerly known as Senior Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo of the Springhawk.

I will return your message promptly.

[The message repeats in six different languages]

Comments

[planetdialup]

It's complicated because I have mixed feelings about it currently.

This is the first time it's happened since I died.

And it would be the first time that Zack would be celebrating with me in four years, at least. Longer for him, since he's been here for four years more.

I had...an idea of how I wanted the day to go. No working for either of us. A date. I wanted to pretend, for a little while, that I didn't have responsibility, that I was turning 23 and we could think of the future.

The alarm startled it out of me. It wasn't the cultural significance. It was...

Having a selfish day. A happy day for just me.

I don't know if I'm explaining it well.

[a_titanum]

[ Florian shakes his head. But he glances at Thrawn. ]

[artistinexile]

[a brief glance at Florian, before he turns back to Aerith to summarize]

If I am understanding correctly - [yay, tools!] - you wished to have a day free from the burdens you are frequently subjected to, through outside and internal influence both. You sought to take the day to reflect, and the alarms shattered that illusion.

[planetdialup]

To reflect and relax, yes.

I went to sleep, excited for a new day and it...

Wasn't what I wanted. And I knew that I couldn't simply have my day.

It was now everyone else's, because people would want or need me for comfort or to calm down.

And that upset me.

[artistinexile]

Is it realistic to imagine a day where nothing occurs when we want it to? Had it not been me, it may have been a new inmate intent on destruction, a flood from the Admiral, a mini crisis that needed resolving.

I do not think I should shoulder this when I was not informed beforehand. But now that I am aware, I will endeavor to make a day free from responsibility to make up for the one that was stolen from you.

Who was it who needed you?

[planetdialup]

You're right that it wasn't realistic, and you're right that I was wrong with how I acted.

I had been trying to keep my birthday low key.

And at the moment, it's less about those who I did encounter, and more of the feeling of obligation I felt at the time- on a day I wanted to have with none.

Things do happen. Life isn't fair. What I did wasn't fair.

But you weren't fair to yourself either.

[artistinexile]

Ironic, then, that your efforts to keep it under notice led to me believing this was an opportune time to begin my own projects.

Do you often shoulder obligation without prompting? Perhaps your days of relaxation are closer than you think.

[planetdialup]

I do, and often.

And I think it'll be for awhile. We'll have to see, but I doubt I'll be given...the deal I'd like.

[artistinexile]

Why not?

[planetdialup]

I haven't been paired up with anyone permanently. No pairing, no deal.

[artistinexile]

Not yet.

But I see no reason to lose hope. What is your deal?

[planetdialup]

It was to ensure the world would heal and lessen the conquences of Jenova but...

I really...want to live.

[artistinexile]

What is stopping you?

[planetdialup]

It's a hard choice Thrawn. It's choosing between myself, and my duty and responsibility.

[artistinexile]

Can you explain that further?

[planetdialup]

I'm not sure how...? Or why we're focusing on my deal that I may not get.

Because even if I get either one, I'm going to stay with Zack until he's ready.

[artistinexile]

I am simply curious if your deal can be enacted without the Admiral's assistance, if you are interested.

[planetdialup]

I think we've covered the idea before and for both...

No. World stability- I'm being literal in that sense- and revival is...

Especially complicated, because it sounds like I will be in the planet, with the memories of all things, for two years at least.

It's not bam, here I am kind of thing. It has to be done carefully.

[artistinexile]

You will be in the planet?

[planetdialup]

Technically? Yes.

Along with trillions of lives that have lived and will live in the planet.

[artistinexile]

[a sharp, confused look at Florian: is this a metaphor or some allegory I am not understanding?]

[a_titanum]

[ He looks back before looking to Aerith. ]

Can you explain the relationship between life and your planet and individual souls for him?

[planetdialup]

All life comes from the planet.

The Lifestream to be specific. It is a river thay goes throughout the planet, that is filled with memories with every living thing.

Not a metaphor. Our bodies break down to planetary essence and goes back to the planet.

Including the soul. Most of the time, the individual soul will break down overtime, and while the memories remain, the soul comes back in the form of new life.

In short- I can't return to any planet to visit, because...I'm essentially planetary water, held together by the Admiral.

[artistinexile]

[oh okay that just makes his suspicions worse]

Have you tried?

[planetdialup]

No?

I'm...dead back home? It's too risky to try.