Inbox

[artistinexile]

You have reached the inbox of the former Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Imperial Star Destroyer Chimaera and the Seventh Fleet, also formerly known as Senior Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo of the Springhawk.

I will return your message promptly.

[The message repeats in six different languages]

Comments

[a_titanum]

[ Florian takes a seat and gestures to the two of them. ]

Thank you for returning, Aerith, I hope my facilities were suitable. But... do feel free to chat. I'll try not to interject unless I feel we might be veering into an unfortunate direction.

[planetdialup]

[She nodded, and made to sit down, across from Thrawn.]

Your facilities are very pleasant- thank you for letting me use them.

[A little formal, for Aerith. But she nodded to Thrawn.]

I'm not sure...how to restart the conversation. But I am sorry for upsetting you Thrawn.

I didn't want to cry and hurt you in return.

[artistinexile]

Then allow me.

I accept your apology. I also wish to convey that I would like to renew our friendship from my side and endeavor to act as a partner in it, who will neither overstep nor place undue burden on you.

I will accomplish this through better means of communication before I act.

[planetdialup]

[She breaths a sigh of relief.]

Thank you Thrawn. Before, it sounded as if you wanted to end it and have me just...use you for my own ends.

It upset me because I don't want to use people. Hearing it seemed...dehumanizing.

[artistinexile]

[a quirk of his brow]

And yet I am not human.

[oh no the Chiss have jokes]

I had no plans to end it. Merely that when talking with Florian, I prefer to be pointed in a direction where I can do the most good. I was attempting to compliment your morality and desire to help others, coupled with my tendencies to overstep my boundaries; that you could lead me as you chose. But this would not be a mutual partnership.

[planetdialup]

[She swallowed a chuckle. Chiss jokes!]

It sounds a lot more a superior and employee. And while that could work for, say, the reed pond project, I would rather we were equals.

And look out for each other. Like when I was overdoing it, and you watched over me while I slept.

[artistinexile]

Yes. I have had very few true partnerships in my life: I fell back to what was easiest, instead of the most correct thing.

I admit a certain confusion as to the warden-inmate relationship, having categorized it many times as a superior-subordinate role. But you have yet to command me or tell me an order, so I will concede this is a more nuanced position we find ourselves in.

[planetdialup]

Easiest isn't always best. But- I know this can be very difficult. You've been in the military, and that has a lot of rules, roles. All of it.

As a warden, I view myself not as someone's superior, but someone who is here to help. I've always been a civilian.

When I was viewed as something else, pressured to be something else, it was never comfortable. So- this is complicated.

And that's okay. We can be complicated and still be friends.

[artistinexile]

Indeed.

[he's been in the military for two-thirds of his life now; since he was a young 20-year-old cadet. Civilian life does not suit Thrawn]

Will you explain the significance of birthdays in your culture? I am aware most of our troubles stemmed from failing to secure a proper calendar or warning system when enacting alarms; I wish to understand why a particular day held such meaning.

[planetdialup]

It's complicated because I have mixed feelings about it currently.

This is the first time it's happened since I died.

And it would be the first time that Zack would be celebrating with me in four years, at least. Longer for him, since he's been here for four years more.

I had...an idea of how I wanted the day to go. No working for either of us. A date. I wanted to pretend, for a little while, that I didn't have responsibility, that I was turning 23 and we could think of the future.

The alarm startled it out of me. It wasn't the cultural significance. It was...

Having a selfish day. A happy day for just me.

I don't know if I'm explaining it well.

[a_titanum]

[ Florian shakes his head. But he glances at Thrawn. ]

[artistinexile]

[a brief glance at Florian, before he turns back to Aerith to summarize]

If I am understanding correctly - [yay, tools!] - you wished to have a day free from the burdens you are frequently subjected to, through outside and internal influence both. You sought to take the day to reflect, and the alarms shattered that illusion.

[planetdialup]

To reflect and relax, yes.

I went to sleep, excited for a new day and it...

Wasn't what I wanted. And I knew that I couldn't simply have my day.

It was now everyone else's, because people would want or need me for comfort or to calm down.

And that upset me.

[artistinexile]

Is it realistic to imagine a day where nothing occurs when we want it to? Had it not been me, it may have been a new inmate intent on destruction, a flood from the Admiral, a mini crisis that needed resolving.

I do not think I should shoulder this when I was not informed beforehand. But now that I am aware, I will endeavor to make a day free from responsibility to make up for the one that was stolen from you.

Who was it who needed you?

[planetdialup]

You're right that it wasn't realistic, and you're right that I was wrong with how I acted.

I had been trying to keep my birthday low key.

And at the moment, it's less about those who I did encounter, and more of the feeling of obligation I felt at the time- on a day I wanted to have with none.

Things do happen. Life isn't fair. What I did wasn't fair.

But you weren't fair to yourself either.

[artistinexile]

Ironic, then, that your efforts to keep it under notice led to me believing this was an opportune time to begin my own projects.

Do you often shoulder obligation without prompting? Perhaps your days of relaxation are closer than you think.

[planetdialup]

I do, and often.

And I think it'll be for awhile. We'll have to see, but I doubt I'll be given...the deal I'd like.

[artistinexile]

Why not?

[planetdialup]

I haven't been paired up with anyone permanently. No pairing, no deal.

[artistinexile]

Not yet.

But I see no reason to lose hope. What is your deal?

[planetdialup]

It was to ensure the world would heal and lessen the conquences of Jenova but...

I really...want to live.

[artistinexile]

What is stopping you?

[planetdialup]

It's a hard choice Thrawn. It's choosing between myself, and my duty and responsibility.

[artistinexile]

Can you explain that further?

[planetdialup]

I'm not sure how...? Or why we're focusing on my deal that I may not get.

Because even if I get either one, I'm going to stay with Zack until he's ready.