Inbox

[artistinexile]

You have reached the inbox of the former Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Imperial Star Destroyer Chimaera and the Seventh Fleet, also formerly known as Senior Commander Mitth'raw'nuruodo of the Springhawk.

I will return your message promptly.

[The message repeats in six different languages]

Comments

[planetdialup]

Thrawn...I understand you're trying. And you said that too when I went to see you. But let me clarify something to you.

[She leaned over the table, gripping the edge of it.]

When you say 'used', it makes you sound like an object. I don't like that.

I've gotten that enough with what I am back home.

Do you even understand why you hurt me in the first place? Asked Florian? Anyone? Got any clarity at all?

[artistinexile]

[oh no it's happening again. There's a static in his brain indicating ship overload of electricity. He steadies his hands on his knees, staring back. He will have to endure]

That is my choice.

Florian has placed me in therapeutic sessions with Doctor Sheehan in order to provide insight. Doctor Sheehan is establishing a bond of mutual trust before clarity is achieved, or so he claims.

[planetdialup]

[She takes in a deep breath. Another. She can feel the tears prickle at her eyes and she knows they're angry tears.

It doesn't make it better.]

Your choice. Not our choice.

[Aerith dropped her head, and had to take in some slow, shaky breaths. She felt so...so hurt.]

I-I didn't want our friendship to end. I thought- I thought we could talk and fix this. Instead...

Why didn't you ask me...?

[artistinexile]

[oh no. He's done it again.

Florian will know how to fix this; there is the urge to call him, but he is unsure if that will make things worse. He sits in silence, terrified of Aerith's tears and how he has somehow managed to make her cry again.]

[planetdialup]

[She takes in a deep breath, and made to wipe the tears away. They were still there, and she was still- so hurt.

Aerith made to stand up.]

I'm sorry Thrawn. I hurt you, again.

I wanted us to-reconnect. I wanted- well. It's selfish of me to expect...anything without validating your feelings.

I'll leave you alone.

I won't use you.

[artistinexile]

[he is still so confused about where all this went so wrong again. Has he not said he wants to be used? Why is that such a difficult thing when Florian understands?

He texts his warden under the table and attempts to stall for time]

Please wait one moment. I seek...clarification and understanding.

[planetdialup]

[She swallows, and shakes her head a little. Not in negation but- in confusion.]

On...what, exactly?

[She'd been ready to leave, but...no dramatic exit where she could cry it out, clearly.]

[artistinexile]

On whatever I have said to cause this distress.

[He stands abruptly as Florian knocks on the door]

[planetdialup]

On whatever?

[She huffs out an angry breath, before turning at the knock.]

Who...?

[artistinexile]

My warden. I have called him to assist.

[Thrawn does not typically emote as well as others, but there is some desperation and relief in his tone, hidden to all except those who know him best]

He is far better than I at words and I may need him as a sort of…cultural interpreter.

[planetdialup]

Then he can come in.

[She got up and went towards the door, to let him in.]

Because I'm going. You two can talk it out.

[artistinexile]

Please stay.

[planetdialup]

[Aerith is frozen for a few moments, her fingers balling into fists. She wanted to run off so she could have a proper cry and get it out of her system.

But...he asked.

She shook once, before going to the door, violently pulling it open for Florian to enter, before retreating, wiping at her eyes again with the flat of her palm. She's still very upset.

Good thing she didn't come with her staff.]

[a_titanum]

[ And Florian takes in the scene immediately, looking to Thrawn, and then Aerith, before he turns back to Aerith. ]

Aerith, would you perhaps be willing to take a moment or two outside to get a drink of water while Thrawn catches me up on things? Ten minutes, at the most, if you can allow me that so I can be of assistance.

[ A chance for Aerith to collect herself quietly while he does, indeed, get caught up, without her 'going'. Just a pause. ]

[artistinexile]

[Thrawn has faced countless foes in battle. He’s managed to come out victorious from 3 to 1 fleets against him in war. These are places he knows he can excel at.

Here the battlefield is different. He is terrified. Florian is here but he can’t get his brain to cooperate, nearly mute. He stares at them both, silent. Irreparable harm is a dreaded outcome and yet he cannot seem to say a correct thing to make Aerith better.

Words always fail him when he most desires to use them correctly.]

[planetdialup]

[Aerith nods. And she takes in a careful, if shaky breath.]

You can text me when you think you're ready.

[She needs to splash her face at least. If the wrong person saw her crying...

She felt a wave of nausea and anxiety.]

If you'll excuse me?

[The sooner she cleaned up, settled down, the better.]

[a_titanum]

Feel free to use my cabin; it's on this floor. 512. The door will open for you. It should only be about ten minutes for us.

[ A quick and easy smile as he steps in and lets Aerith out. Then his focus is on Thrawn. ]

Just so that I'm caught up and we can be productive, no? She'll be right back.

[artistinexile]

[he waits until Aerith leaves, before bringing his hands into view. They're shaking]

Thank you for coming so quickly.

[a_titanum]

[ And Florian will reach out then, take those hands with his own, steady them as he looks into Thrawn's eyes. There's no influence other than his own voice but it is steady and firm. ]

Breathe.

All is not lost. You are not in this alone.

[artistinexile]

[he obeys. It's a direct order; those are what he can manage best, during times like these]

[slowly, his hands cease their shaking. He squeezes Florian's hands once, in gratitude, before withdrawing his own back to himself]

Aerith began to cry again, very suddenly. I do not know what I said or did that caused her such emotional distress, but it would grow worse the longer I spoke.

I am sorry. I understand you do not wish to be brought into these matters as they are happening.

[a_titanum]

[ A firm headshake. ]

That is precisely when I prefer to be brought in: before or during. That's when I can be the most effective. My frustrations were in coming in afterwards, at the end, when there was little I could do.

[artistinexile]

I hope she will see it that way, and not as an ambush into a private conversation.

I could see no other option available.

[a_titanum]

[ He glances towards the door. ]

She's well aware of your difficulties. And she and I have an accord. Nor did she seem surprised to see me.

She just needed a moment to collect herself.

[artistinexile]

It did not seem that way to me.

[he settles down but uneasily so, as lost as he usually is when sitting in a room devoid of art, culture, and needed context]

[a_titanum]

There are things we've discussed that make me believe it is so. She'll return when she's ready.

For now, I'd like you to tell me what happened.